You Here With Me
by loveyouTHISmuch
Summary: A series of oneshots of moments throughout Eli and Clare's relationship. Formerly titled Eclare Shorts.
1. Nightmare

She gasped, sitting up in bed. Pure fear clutched at her heart, and for a second she didn't know where she was. All she could see was the knife. The knife looming in front of her, taunting her. She sat there shivering, a feeling of hopelessness blurring her other senses. She felt like she was a fifteen again. Fifteen and about to watch someone die. Not just someone, but _him. _

Then, warm arms encircled her, chasing away the cold fear. He murmured soothing words to her, running his fingers through her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and lay her head against his chest. Even though she wasn't listening to his words, they still soothed her. Just the fact that he was here with her made everything better.


	2. Rainbows on the Wall

**AN: This is sort of a placeholder until I have some more time on my hands:/ If you guys have any ideas you may want for a oneshot feel free to send a message to my inbox. **

"Where are we?" Clare asked, turning to Eli, tilting her head to the side curiously. After school, Eli had "kidnapped" her, claiming that they were going on another urban adventure. He had whipped out a blindfold and covered her eyes, telling her it was a surprise. Somehow, she had ended up in a completely wooden room, surrounded by boxes of antiques, forgotten books, and old records. A stream of light was coming in from a small, circular window near the ceiling.

"My attic." Clare looking at Eli, incredulous.

"Your attic?"

"Yeah. I always come up here when I want to think. Ever since I was little. It's soundproof, quiet. I know it's an attic, but it's oddly calming, don't you think?" Clare looked around, contemplating the room. She looked up and saw that the light from the window had passed through a small crystal that had been hung from the ceiling and created a rainbow. She turned to Eli and took in his all black attire. Rainbows and Eli were two things that she would have never put together in her mind, but this attic was special. This attic could make the impossible happen, she just knew.

"I think. . .it's perfect. Absolutely perfect." Eli grinned at her, reaching out and taking her hands. He placed both of her hands around his neck then reached behind her and moved something on an old record player. A slow song started up and Eli placed his hands on Clare's waist. She nestled her head in his shoulder and smiled to herself.

"Clare," Eli spoke softly, as if afraid speaking to loudly would ruin the moment, "this room isn't the only thing that's perfect."


	3. Lost in Stereo

**AN: This is a song fic, **_**Lost in Stereo- All Time Low. **_**It's kind of different than the song, but it's where my inspiration came from so there you go. OH, and:**

**Disclaimer: NO! Sadly, I do not own Degrassi. Or previously mentioned song *see above***

_Eli's POV_

I walked up to Clare's room to tell her I was here so we could go to the movies. She never was on time. As I turned the corner to her room, I caught her spinning around, singing under her breath.

Clare was beautiful, her hair swinging, golden in the sun as she danced around to a soundtrack in her head. She had been doing that a lot lately, dancing by herself when she thought no one was around. For some reason, it made her even more stunning to me. She lost some of her perfectly controlled image, losing herself in the music.

She picked up a mix tape I made her the other day when she mentioned she really wanted to hear some new music. She smiled to herself, and her cheeks turned a light pink, matching a tank top that I had never seen her wear before. She looked up at the calendar, where she had marked off all the week days already, only looking forward to the weekends. Myself, I loved the week days. They were days I got to spend with Clare. I could see her in the morning, at lunch, during English, after school. Clare central. But Clare lived for the weekends. I could never figure out why.

She always seemed so distracted lately, I was starting to lose hope. Maybe she didn't want me. Maybe there was someone else. Maybe someone else is on her mind when she humming along to those songs. I knew I shouldn't have asked for more time. It's been months. I _know _I like Clare. I always knew. I've been waiting, wasting my time and hers. Now I have probably lost Clare to some other guy, who she is playing sappy love songs in her head all day for, fantasizing about him.

Then, Clare turned and smiled at me, her face lighting up with an even darker blush. She was humming again. But I recognized the song this time. My favorite from the mix tape I gave her. I felt my face light up in return.

Maybe, I haven't lost her yet.

**AN: You know the drill, review****! :)**


	4. Ten Seconds

**AN: I know, I know, this is depressing. And extra short. But. . .enjoy anyway? Maybe. Finals are taking a toll on my fan fiction. I want to write a longer one soon . . .just a matter of time. And **_**please**_** guys review, how else will I know if you like it?**

_Clare's Pov_

It's crazy what can happen in ten seconds. Ten seconds is all it takes for your world to change. In ten seconds, you can make plans. In ten seconds, you can break them. In ten seconds, you have enough time to break someone's heart. It seems like no time at all. But that's all the time it takes for something to happen. To me, ten seconds is a lifetime. Ten seconds. That's all the time it took for my world to end. Ten seconds is all it took for him to storm out into the road. All it took for that truck to swing around the corner. All it took for it to slam into him. Ten seconds. Then, it was over.

It would have taken me ten seconds to reach out and grab his arm, telling him to stop. Ten seconds to tell him don't go, I love you. Ten seconds.


	5. Everything Happens for a Reason

**Hello, all! As promised, this one-shot is longer than the others. Tell me what you think, please and thank you:) And i keep forgetting the disclaimers, so this one just applies for all of the one-shots I'll be writing.**

Disclaimer: As I'm sure everyone knows, I don't own Degrassi. If I did, though this site is great, I wouldn't be here. And, just in case, I do not own any songs I may use for songfics.

_Clare's POV_

Some people say things happen for a reason. I never used to believe that. Everything had an order and a place and I was in control of it. If something happened, it's because I made it happened. Good grades? Happened because of my hard work. Going to the movies with a cute boy? It was planned. Not a chance meeting. I used to roll my eyes. _Of course _things happened for a _reason. _Everything was planned!

Now that I think about it, I never even knew what that meant. In my perfectly ordered world, how could I possibly understand? To understand, you needed to have taken risks, gone out on a limb for once in your life. It takes a lot to understand those five little words.

Standing in the parking lot, watching my glasses crushed underneath the tires of a hearse, I felt something begin to change. Deep inside me, there was a shift. Maybe it was hope. Maybe something else. But as I stared into the green eyes of the hearse driving boy, those five words came to mind, as if blown there by a faint wind. _Everything happens for a reason. _

_Eli's POV_

All my life, my mother would tell me that things happened for a reason. And all my life, I thought that was total crap. When I was seven and lost a quarter? She was there to say, "Don't worry, honey, maybe someone else was meant to have that quarter. Someone that needs it more. Everything happens for a reason." It was like her mantra.

After Julia died, I hated myself. I had myself convinced that it was all my fault. I killed her. That was the reason. But deep down, I knew that wasn't right. So what was the reason? Why exactly did Julia die? To anyone who was looking from the outside, it was just another teenager hit by a car. A hit and run. But anyone who knew Julia knew that she followed traffic laws almost religiously. Even in her most distraught state, I knew she would have looked both ways before crossing the road. Julia was never one to get very emotional anyway. She got hit by a car. The driver wasn't paying attention. What other reason was there? Who benefited from a death? That was when I decided to permanently lock up my mother's favorite phrase. I never wanted to hear it again.

That was until. . .

I met her. That first day when I ran over her glasses, was when I first felt my resistance crumbling. When I heard the crunch of glass on gravel, it was just something I had run over. When I had stepped out of the car and caught a glimpse of two girls out of the corner of my eye, just another person to apologize to. When I picked up the glasses, they were just another pair of broken glasses. But when I looked into Clare's eyes, those were certainly _not _just another pair of blue eyes. The second I looked into her eyes, right before I blurted out the first sentence I ever said to her, I could have sworn I heard my mother's voice, whispering, _"Everything happens for a reason."_

_Third person POV_

"UGH!" Clare shouted, overly frustrated. She had just dropped her binder and it had practically exploded, sending papers flying. She struggled to pick up everything, shoving it back in her bag, beyond caring about being organized. It had been a long day and she couldn't wait to be gone. Anywhere that wasn't school and wasn't home. She tugged the strap of her bag over her shoulder and blew her hair out of her eyes. She spotted a lone sheet of paper floating down the hallway. She sighed, defeated, and chased after it, following it into a deserted classroom. She snatched it off the ground and stuffed it into her bag along with the other papers. She heard a low chuckle and jolted up, shocked, then relaxed immediately when she saw who it was. She walked up and wrapped her arms around Eli, "Of all the rooms my paper could have floated off to, it went to the only one with you in it. I think even my paper is attracted to you, Mr. Goldsworthy." Eli rolled his eyes, smiling, and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Well who wouldn't be?" He asked, smirking. "Do you want to go to the Dot?" She nodded, immeasurably happier than she had been just a minute ago. As she held hands with Eli, walking to Morty, she smiled and breathed in the perfection that seemed to be everywhere lately. She had a feeling it had to do with Eli. As she looked at him, she knew that, yes, everything did happen for a reason.

**(press the button! i knowwww you wantttt toooo! :) I would point to it, but I can't seem to find the down arrow. The general point is, review!)**


	6. A Dance?

**Might make a part 2 to this one. . .  
Reviews=Updates**

"You've got to be kidding me."

Clare stuck out her bottom lip, attempting to look upset. "Come on, Eli, please." She fluttered her eyelashes, silently pleading with him.

He slowly shook his head back and forth, giving her an incredulous look. "Clare, I can't believe you want to go to this. I don't know if you remember, but we haven't exactly had the best experiences with school dances." She crossed her arms and looked off to the side at the colorful poster hanging on the wall. It had too many sparkles and way too much pink. It was practically the definition of over the top. All displaying one major message: _"Black and White Ball! This Friday 7-11!" _

Every time Clare thought about Vegas Night terror ripped through her; she felt an uncontrollable urge to find Eli and hold on to him and never let go.  
But still. . .

She couldn't help but fantasize about going to a dance with Eli. She wanted to get dressed up and spend hours primping in front of a mirror with Alli. She wanted him to hold her in his arms as they slow danced to some cheesy song. She wanted to laugh along with him as they embarrassed themselves with their "dance moves". She wanted to forget about weapons and death and that night several months ago. She wanted to be a normal teenage girl going to a normal dance. Just for one night.

She looked up into Eli's eyes, trying to convey to him her need for normalcy. She reached up and touched his shoulder lightly, "It will be like a fresh start. Like Vegas Night never happened."

Eli smiled, though his eyes were sad, and pushed her auburn hair behind her ear. "You're right. Like it never happened."

But even as Eli said the words, Clare could tell he didn't believe them. And when she recalled the gripping fear she felt watching Eli in front of that knife, she knew she was lying to herself when she said she could forget.


	7. A Dance? Part 2

**Here's Part 2! Hope you like it. And remember . . . Reviews=Updates**

"Alli . . . I don't know . . . "Clare looked in the mirror uncertainly. She felt different, but she knew there wasn't _that_ much difference in her appearance. She felt girly and glamorous. Her hair was curled, but her bangs were straightened, and she was wearing a black, silky headband. Her dress was . . . short.

At least it felt short. It was a ruffled off white dress that fell three inches above the knee and had a black belt tied around the middle. Alli had done her makeup: dramatic smoky eye shadow and liner with mascara that lengthened her lashes unbelievably. Alli had covered her dresser mirror with a blanket while she was working, trying to keep the element of surprise.

"Clare, you look great, I don't know what you're worried about." She whipped the blanket off the mirror like a mad scientist revealing their creation and pushed Clare in front of it. Clare could not help the small smile from spreading across her face. Alli nodded, satisfied, with her hands on her hips, "I _told _you, Clare."

The doorbell rang, a piercing chime that signaled Eli's arrival, and sent Clare skidding down the hall to the stairs, being careful not to fall in her black wedges. Alli darted out the front door past Eli and waved over her shoulder, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Clare." She said meaningfully. Clare knew she'd be waiting by the phone for every detail. She turned to Eli, suddenly completely aware of him. His every movement and expression. But yet, she did not feel like she was about to be judged. Whenever Eli was around she always felt . . . beautiful. Or wanted. Appreciated. She couldn't quite place the word that was floating on the outside edges of her mind.

Eli was standing there, hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically nervous. But when he looked at her, he smiled and most of the nervousness melted off his face. He held out his arm and raised an eyebrow, "Milady?" She placed her arm on his, laughing, and nodded, "To the dance!"

As they approached the school doors, Clare felt Eli's fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around hers. She glanced at him, concerned, but his expression remained unchanged. She nudged him gently, "It'll be fun. I promise. If not, The Dot is always open." He laughed and shook his head.

"Clare," he said, gently running his fingers over the frilly material of her dress, "I think we're a bit over dressed." She took in his black suit and dark red shirt.

"I think you look fine. I mean look, _color!_" She smiled teasingly at him. He shook his head and pulled her along to the door, rolling his eyes and attempting to hide a smile.

A slow song started up, pushing the dateless off the floor, while couples tentatively trickled out to dance. Clare grabbed Eli's arms and backed farther away from the refreshment table where they had been standing, tired from all the dancing. He looked a little uncertain but placed his arms on Clare's waist and she looped hers around his neck. They danced silently for a little while until Eli spoke up, "Clare, this song is incredibly cheesy." Clare murmured an assent and laid her head on his chest.

"It's kind of the point, Eli."

Eli laughed quietly and ran his fingers through her hair. For some reason, Clare knew, without having to look up, that he wasn't smirking. That he was just looking at her, smiling. And suddenly, Clare realized how she felt whenever she was around him. The word she could not think of back at her house. Loved. She felt loved.


	8. What are we, four?

**Hello, all:) Uhm, well, this is an update. And . . . it's something. So there you go! Hah, well, as you know_ reviews=updates_ etc etc. Should I write about Eli's color-filled day?**

_Eli's POV_

My feet pounded on the concrete as I sped down the road. I focused on a pole in the distance, making it my goal. All I had to do was _get to the pole. _I slipped on a lose pebble, stumbling a little, and cursed my choice of footwear. My worn, old Vans weren't the best shoes for running. Behind me, I heard footsteps getting closer and closer with each breath. I attempted to speed up, but I really was not a runner. I did not see the, excuse the cliché, "need for speed".

I was almost to the pole when a pair of hands grabbed my shoulders. I felt someone launch themselves on my back and we both went tumbling down.

Lying on my stomach was Clare Edwards, laughing uncontrollably. "Tag! You're it!" Her sky blue eyes glowed with the sense of victory.

I sighed, "Clare, I can't believe you convinced me to play tag. It's so . . . childish. I mean really, what are we, four?" She shook her head, wagging her finger in my face, but still smiling.

"Eli, you're just bitter because you _lost. _You're _it, _so you _lost. _Therefore, I _win!_ "She grinned at me happily and I could not bring myself to argue. Instead, I smirked back at her, "So, _winner, _you're wish is my command. What must I do?" I successfully hid my nervousness at what she would make me do. Ever since that public embarrassment stunt I always feel like she is just planning her revenge, ready to strike unexpectedly.

She pursed her lips, thinking for a second. I could see the wheels turning in her mind. _What shall I make Eli do today_? "I think there's about to be a change in your wardrobe plans for tomorrow, Mr. Goldsworthy. I predict color. _Lots _of color."

I groaned and let my head fall back on the warm concrete. She smiled, extremely smug, and leaned down to peck me on the lips. She leaned even closer, glancing at me conspiringly, as if she had a secret.

"Eli," She whispered quietly, "if you want to stop things like this happening, you're probably going to need to buy some better shoes." She jumped up, laughing, and ran down the road while I chased after her, determined to catch _her _this time.


	9. Color! AKA What Is This Madness!

**This is a continuation of the last one, sort of. It's Eli's color-filled day. If you guys have any ideas you would like me to make into a one-shot, I'd love to hear them. Reviews=Updates.**

"Clare, no. No, no, no, no._ I cannot_wear this. I look like a clown." Eli gestured towards his clothing, looking genuinely disturbed. Clare shook her head. 

"I don't understand what you have against color. I wear color all the time." She gestured to her own outfit: a flowery shirt with a jean skirt and navy leggings.

He sighed dramatically. "Well, it looks good on you," He insisted, "This is not me! This is not my style!" She folded her arms stubbornly across her chest, looking him up and down. He wore a red T-shirt over regular blue jeans, a yellow hoodie, and a pair of blue hi-tops.

"Eli," She stated, "I'm sorry to tell you, but you have no choice. I won and this is what's going to happen." They walked together in silence for awhile, getting closer and closer to the school with each step. Suddenly, Eli spoke up.

"Clare, you're prohibiting my right of self-expression. These clothes aren't _me. _And if I'm not me, then who am I? Really Clare, you're crushing my identity here. So the real question here is: can you live with that?"

"Eli, you're still Eli no matter what you wear. I'm not crushing anybody's identity. Think of it as a character immersion. You're Mr. High School. Roll with it._" _Eli let out a frustrated sigh, as if finally realizing that it was too late to do anything about his situation. They walked up that steps to the front door, and Clare reached out to open the door. "And . . . action."

Everyone stared as they walked down the hallway, zeroing in on this unfamiliar person. For some people it clicked, and they connected 'Mr. High School' to the grade eleven Goth. Expressions ranged from mildy interested to all-out gaping. Eli frowned, noting all the stares.

"I don't get what's so interesting to look at. Besides the fact that _I look awful. _The interest factor has to wear off." They strode by a group of gossiping girls, gazing after them, and Clare connected the dots.

"I'm thinking," She said, "that they," she jabbed her finger behind her, pointing at the girls, "think you look about as far away from awful as possible." Eli stopped walking, considering this. He looked over at the girls, taking in their fluttering lashes and self-confident expressions. He turned back to Clare.

"Definitely not my type. I prefer . . . "He smiled at her crookedly, "you." Clare blushed bright red and looked down, speechless. When she looked back up he was studying her. "And you? What do you think about this?" He gestured to his clothes.

She furrowed her eyebrows, considering his look carefully. She looked back into his eyes and smiled gently, "I think, that you look good," Eli's expression was enigmatic, "but I like you a lot better when you're yourself."

Eli smirked at her and leaned in really close, his breath on her cheek. "Told you. Prohibiting. Self. Expression." She laughed and smacked him, but he did not move away. His eyes took on a more serious expression, "I really like you, Clare."

She tilted her face up to meet his lips with her own. She pulled back and smiled widely at him, "Just call me Ms. High School." Eli laughed and moved towards her again when a shocked voice interrupted them.

"What the _heck _are you wearing? Is that _color? _What has the world come to? Nothing makes sense anymore." Adam stared at them then turned and walked away slowly, in shock, leaving Clare and Eli laughing behind him.

**Couldn't resist adding Adam at the end:)**


	10. The Bright Side of Black Walls

Clare woke up, her vision blurred for a minute from the blinding sunlight streaming through the window. She looked around for a second, disoriented. Where was she? Black walls. Black walls, black walls. Oh! She sat up fast, looking everywhere for Eli, but then sank to the ground again when the blood rushed to her head. It felt like a truck had slammed into her brain.

"Ugh." She brought her hand up to her forehead, laying her cool palms against her burning skin.

"Whoa, there. Take it easy, you've been asleep for like twelve hours." Clare looked around and her gaze was met with Eli's signature smirk, green eyes and all.

"Twelve hours? Seriously? I _never _sleep that long." She sat up again, slowly this time, and was pleased that she wasn't met with a cement block slamming into her head this time. Eli shrugged.

"I don't know. We were watching . . . _Twilight," _He stopped and shuddered, laughing as she stuck out her tongue, "and _bam, _you were out."

"How did I get up here though?" She asked, confused. She ran her hand over the warm blanket that covered the bed and then looked down at the pillow and blankets on the floor.

"Oh, Eli, did you sleep on the floor? I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to fall asleep. I . . . I fell asleep! My parents are going to _kill _me!" Clare flopped back on the bed and groaned. Eli walked over and smoothed her hair down, looking amused.

"It's all right; I called them and told them that you fell asleep, and that you looked really tired. And that my parents were home. They don't need to find out that last part was a lie. And it's no big deal; the floor is nice and . . . clean. After all, you have been helping me get organized." Clare smiled weakly at him.

"Thanks." She looked around the room, noting how much different it looked during the day than at night. At night the darkness seemed to creep in, turning the room into one big shadow. During the day, the black walls seemed less harsh. Daylight seemed to take the edge off of everything in his room. She got up and stood next to him. "So, what happens now?" She said it impulsively, a rhetorical question. Almost a knee jerk reaction to the silence that had filled the room. He moved closer and brushed her hair behind her ear, smoothing out her bed head.

"Anything you want to happen. The world is at your fingertips." He gestured vaguely with his arm. She laughed, and he made a funny face, making her laugh even harder. Soon, she was sitting on the floor, clutching her sides. He kneeled down next to her, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He shook his head slowly, rocking back on his heels. The expression on his face was hard to determine. He looked indecisive, as if he wasn't sure what to do about something. His hand twitched towards her, like he wanted to bring it up to her face but changed his mind at the last second.

"Clare," He said quietly, and for the first time he spoke those three words, "I love you."

**:) So, I don't know whether I should write Clare's reaction to this or another "I Love You" Situation. What do you guys think? Reviews=Updates**


	11. Man Up, Eli

"Ask her!"

"No."

"Ask her!"

"_No!" _

"_Why not?"_

Adam glared at Eli, challenging him to find a legitimate reason not to ask Clare to go out with him on Saturday. Eli crossed his arms over his chest and looked away.

"Because." Adam threw his arms up in the air.

"'Because' is not a reason, Eli! 'Because' is a lame excuse you're making up because you're not man enough to ask her out!" Eli sighed and leaned against the lockers.

"I just . . . the right moment never seems to come up."

"Eli! The lights aren't going to magically dim while white cloth tables appear out of nowhere! Just _ask _her." Eli looked frustrated, waving one hand in the air.

"But . . . what would we do?" Now that Eli seemed to think he had a justifiable reason not to ask Clare out, he hung on to it like it was a lifesaver. He nodded a couple times, as if to reassure himself that this was indeed why he was not going to ask her.

"Eli, be serious here, dude. You and Clare can argue and talk for hours. It makes me sick, but it's true. You're practically together already!" This time, Adam sighed, leaning against the lockers next to Eli. "I just don't understand your issue, dude." Eli kept looking straight ahead, and ran a hand through his hair.

"It's just, whenever I'm around her, I feel great. I feel like she likes me just as much as I like her. But when she leaves, I start feeling like maybe I was imagining all that. Maybe she just likes me as a friend. I hate feeling so effing insecure!" Adam stared at him for a second, mulling over what he should say next.

"Well, if you _did _ask her out, then you would stop having to try to figure things out. You would know for sure whether she likes you. Wouldn't knowing be better than not knowing?" Eli closed his eyes tightly, seriously considering Adam's question. Not knowing how Clare felt about him was driving him crazy. But what if he found out that she did not like him? How could he go back to being friends with her like normal? Then, on the other hand, what if she _did _like him? Eli kneaded his forehead with the palm of his hand. He was always impulsive, but he was never good at making serious decisions.

"Hey, Eli." Eli's eyes flew open, and instead of seeing Adam's frustrated face, he saw Clare. Her eyebrows were furrowed with concern, and he realized he probably looked quite strange standing against the lockers with his eyes closed. He wondered how long ago Adam had left. He only felt idiotic for a second, and then realized that this was the moment. It was the sort of now or never moment that indicates a crossroads of your life. One path led to a relationship with Clare. The other, to awkward silences and avoidance. He breathed deeply and took the plunge.

"Clare, will you go out with me Saturday?" She stared at him. "On a date." He clarified, not wanting her to think this was a friend thing.

She smiled slowly, just a little smile, but it made Eli's heart lift. She took a small step forward.

"A date?" The little smile grew. "You're not going to make me yell in front of a bunch of people? No humiliation?"

Eli laughed, "Nope. Just you and me and a date worthy location." Clare's smile spread even more, and Eli thought that even the sun had nothing on her.


	12. Purses and Papers

**Okay, who else here is getting excited about the new season? It's getting closer! I hope there is lots of Eclare:) And, as always, Reviews=Updates**

_Oh no._

Clare rifled through her bag, pushing past pieces of paper and small odds and ends thrown in there for temporary storage. _Where was it? _Though she prized herself on being neat and tidy, she always kept everything in her purse. Her purse was the one place where things were just strewn about. Though her mother would look at it with a carefully veiled look of disgust, to Clare it was an organized mess.

The most important things were on the top: her phone, keys, lists of things to do.

Next were slightly less important items: lip glosses, tissues, extra pencils and pens, hair ties.

The lastly, strewn along the bottom: forgotten, crumpled pieces of paper; old homework assignments.

Though no one else could ever seem to find anything in Clare's purse, she knew where everything was at all times. But for the life of her, she could _not _find the paper! That one piece of powder blue paper that she had torn from her favorite notebook this morning, and wrote her inner most thoughts on. She had believed that by stowing it in her purse, it had become non-existent to the public eye. Even Alli had stopped trying to look through her purse after learning that it was practically impossible to find anything.

Feeling a wave of panic begin to wash over her, Clare dumped the contents of her purse on the picnic table she was sitting at, and ran her fingers over the various items. _No! No, no, no. _She knew she stuffed it in her bag this morning. In the side pocket. She put it in the side pocket. The one with the zipper. She slipped her hand inside the pocket, but there was nothing there.

Clare let her head fall into her hands, feeling hopeless. If anyone found that paper her life would become a whole lot more difficult.

This morning, not being able to bear the tension between her and Eli anymore, Clare had scribbled down how she felt about him. She had written every little thing about him that drove her crazy, and how she would wait forever for him to be ready for her. She wrote how sitting in English, staring at the back of his head each day, made it even harder. She imagined him turning around and staring deep into her eyes, a smirk playing at his lips like always, and then pressing those lips to hers.

All that she had wrote on the powder blue notebook paper. The very paper that would be the end of her if someone found it. Oh and if _Eli _found it! She could just imagine his smug look. He would just love knowing that he made her crazy.

She let her head slump onto the table and crossed her arms over her head. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _She should have been paying more attention to her purse today. Someone could have . . . someone could have just reached in and took it. Who would do that? Clare knew the answer.

Her eyes glazed over and she felt like she was looking at the world through a lens. Everything was just a bit distorted.

Then, the very person starring in her dreams and nightmares walked up to her.

"So," Eli said in a conversational tone, "I was thinking, that maybe you'd be looking for this?" He held up a piece of blue paper between his index and middle fingers, and raised an eyebrow. Clare struggled to keep her voice calm and her breathing even.

"Where did you find that?"

Eli smirked, "Well, I might have been looking for a pen and happened to stumble upon this paper." Clare felt her heart rate rocket up even further.

"You were looking through my bag? Did you read it?" She demanded to know.

Eli, however, ignored her, "I thought to myself, now, what would Clare be writing about that's so special that it gets to be in the zipper pocket in her purse. As we all know, you like to just shove everything in your bag. So this piece of paper has got to be something spectacular. I thought, I would love to read this, but how much would that benefit me? I'm sure Clare would do a lot to get it back." Clare stared him down. "The bidding starts at ten dollars." Eli joked. Clare opened her mouth once, twice, and then her lips formed a straight line. Her expression went neutral and she shrugged.

"Whatever, you can read it. I just have to go, my mom is waiting." She lied smoothly, and then swept everything back into her bag in one smooth motion. She hitched it over her shoulder, and walked away purposefully, determined not to look back and see Eli's reaction to her note.

She had hit her stride, and was almost to the curb, when a strong hand grasped her upper arm.

"Clare, wait." Eli whispered. She refused to look back at him, embarrassed. "Is this true?" She nodded silently, still looking forward. He jerked her back suddenly, and she found herself in a warm embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, while Eli ran one hand through her hair.

"Clare," he started, and then stopped. He leaned back and gazed intently into her eyes, as if looking for answers that even Clare herself did not know. Then, just as sudden as the hug, he pulled her into a deep kiss. It was everything Clare had imagined, and all of a sudden her world, which she had never realized was off balance in the first place, righted itself.


	13. What's Up?

**Here's another little one-shot. I'm feeling like it's definitely time for an Eli POV, so one of those will probably be coming up next. Reviews=Updates**

"What's going on?" Clare suppressed the urge to shudder at those words. So many variations of that one phrase had followed Clare all her life. There was always someone there to bend down and look at her with concern lining their face, asking how she was doing.

Clare never understood why, because she had a pretty good childhood. Darcy and she were happy, they never fought too much. But the past few years were harder. Darcy slipped into one of her 'phases', and then Clare's parents got divorced. That was the worst. She did not know how word spread, but there would always be _someone _ready with a sympathetic smile and words of condolence.

Clare didn't want that! She just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone without feeling the need to explain herself. She especially hated the dreaded 'What's up?'. What was she supposed to say to that? _Oh, not much. English homework. Oh! And my parents got divorced, you know, the usual. _

This time, it was Alli looking at her with that patent concerned expression. Clare hadn't been spending a lot of time with Alli lately, and she just could not bring herself to explain what was going on in her life. She just shrugged it off.

"I didn't get much sleep last night; I had a huge English essay to do." Alli easily accepted this answer, perhaps not wanting to ask just as much as Clare did not want to tell.

"Okay then, I've got to go get ready to meet Drew after football practice. I'll talk to you later?" Alli did not wait for an answer, and jogged away in her hot pink heels.

Clare sighed and swung her purse lightly back and forth as she walked over to the grassy area under the trees. She flopped down on the grass, lying spread eagle on the ground, not really caring about grace. Muted footsteps alerted her that someone was slowly making their way towards her. There was a pause, and then Eli dropped to the ground next to her. He, too, laid spread eagle, staring up at the blue sky.

"I," He paused dramatically, "Officially hate History. So many little facts and dates. I'm going to fail the final." She was quiet, just listening to his voice as it rose in frustration. He slowly calmed down, his breaths coming more evenly. He turned his head to the side and studied her profile.

"You're upset." He stated bluntly. "It's about Adam isn't it? You're worried. He'll be fine, you know, Clare? He's a big boy." Eli's lips twitched up into a smile. Clare nodded silently. She loved how Eli did not need to ask her if she was upset, he always knew what was wrong. He seemed to sense the little things that annoyed Clare to no end, and keep tab of them in some little section of his mind.

"I know," She whispered. Her fingers trailed through the grass, and found Eli's hand. She held on tightly, never wanting to let go to the one person who knew her better than she knew herself.


	14. Birthday Troubles

**HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE PROMO? MADNESS! They CANNOT ruin Eclare:( But, they've been through some rough times before, so hopefully everything will be fine. But seriously, I freaked:\  
Reviews=Updates**

_Eli's POV_

Great. Just freaking spectacular. I am a royal screw up. Even when I try to be good I am bad. I just wanted to surprise Clare. It was her birthday, and I had it all planned out. I would go to her house, pick her up, take her to lunch, and go to my house where Adam and I had a surprise party waiting. It was supposed to be great. Not just great, amazing.

Key word: _supposed_ to be.

As soon as I walked up to Clare's house, I knew things were not going to go as planned. But then again, when did anything go as planned? Her mom opened the door and she looked _pissed. _I mean, _furious. _

"Eli. What are you doing here?" It was not really a question as much as a blatant sign that I was not welcome.

"I've come to take Clare out. For her birthday." Then, Clare appeared behind her mother's shoulder. Her face was paler than usual, and her lips were drawn together in a thin line. She looked like she wanted to say something to me, something infinitely important, but her mother turned around and whispered something too quiet for me to hear. Clare replied, turning her head so I could not read her lips. Her mom nodded stiffly, and then motioned for Clare to move forward.

Clare stepped outside the door, shutting it carefully behind her.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned. She shrugged, noncommittally.

"Yeah, everything's great. Why wouldn't it be? Eli, look I can't go with you today. We're having a family thing." She looked away, and I carefully concealed my hurt expression, not wanting her to feel bad on her birthday.

"Okay, that's fine. I'll just . . . I'll just see you on Monday." Her shoulders hunched over.

"Eli, just . . . just go away. Okay? Please? Just please." She turned and fled back into the house. I stood there, dumbfounded, for so long that I lost track of the time. Finally, I got into Morty, and I drove. I drove for hours, just wanting to lose myself in the steady rhythm of Morty's engine, and the scenery speeding by.

I parked by a grassy field somewhere, and sat there, staring straight ahead.

Clare loved me, right? She said so once. It was quick, and I barely had time to respond. She seemed so self-conscious. I did not get time to tell her how much I loved her back, and that she never needed to be self-conscious around me.

The sun was slowly sinking in the sky, an orange globe disappearing into black nothingness.

I turned the keys in the ignition, starting the long drive home.

When I finally got home, at some early hour in the morning, there she was. Sitting on the steps leading up to my house. Her white face was tearstained, and she looked at me with remorse.

"Eli . . . "She trailed off, looking around as if the right words were hiding in the bushes.

"How long have you been sitting here?" I interrupted. She laughed humorlessly.

"About half an hour after you left I walked over here. I wanted to . . . I wanted to explain things." I stayed motionless, averting my gaze. No matter how hurt _I _felt, I hated seeing Clare cry. "I've never been in a relationship where someone pays so much attention to me. It feels so strange to be loved like this. And my mom had been coming over so strong lately. After divorcing my dad, it's like she thinks she's going to lose me, too. I think she thinks you're going to take me away from her." She smiled weakly. "I was just so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. Eli, I wanted to go with you today. But my mom didn't want me to go. I knew I had to say no, but then I thought I couldn't face you after that. I felt like I was just shutting you down." She took deep breaths, as if she had not breathed in a while. "Eli, I _do _love you. So much. But I don't know how! I don't know how to deal with that! How do I go from barely having ever had a boyfriend to being head over heels in love?"

_Head over heels in love. _My heart suddenly felt like it was filled with helium, and it was rising high above the clouds. I walked forward, sitting on the steps next to Clare, and wrapped one arm around her shoulder. "Clare, we can figure it out. Together. I love you, too." She nodded, wiping her cheeks with the palm of her hand.

"Now," I said, standing up, "you shouldn't be crying on your birthday. Come on inside, I'll only steal you from your mom for a little while longer, today." Clare stood up, smiling, but hesitated. "There's cake," I coaxed, "and presents." She laughed, and nodded, holding her hand out to me.

"Well, if there are presents." She joked. Her voice was still thick from crying, but the tears were gone, replaced with the smile I knew so well.


	15. Reassurance

**OK, so hopefully this doesn't completely suck. I was trying to be a little happier what with Eclare being on the rocks ( :| ) Reviews=Updates**

It was freezing when Clare stepped outside to begin the walk to school. She curled her fingers into her palms, attempting to keep them warm. Her thick, black winter coat was certainly warm, but she could still feel the bitter wind rip through her. Clare tried not to resent her mom for making her walk, but it was difficult when she was starting to lose all feeling in her face.

Just as she was starting to believe that her eyes would be frozen open forever, snowflakes started to fall. She groaned. She _loved _the snow, and everything that came with it. Sledding, skating, hot chocolate. But today was just not the day for this. She still had several blocks to go before she reached the turn-off for school, and she was starting to lose all her willpower. So, she stopped. She just stopped, and lifted her face to the sky, letting snowflakes drift down to cover her face. They were so cold that it burned; she felt sure the snow was filled with acid, and her face was slowly disappearing. She just wanted to float away on a snowflake, and land somewhere warm and sunny.

Suddenly, Clare felt a pair of arms wrap around her, and Eli's stern voice, "Clare, it's below freezing out here. I know you may be eager to skip school, but there has got to be a better way to do it." He gently led her to his hearse, and opened the door.

The rush of warm air surrounded her, seeping into her limbs, and life whooshed back into her. She held her hands in front of the vents, and breathed deeply. The hearse smelled like Eli. An intoxicating aroma of something almost like coffee, and a crisp scent that Clare could not place. Probably 'Ocean Breeze'.

Clare could imagine smelling it every day for the rest of her life; it reminded her of cozy winter nights, and calm, summer days.

"Clare," Eli spoke up, interrupting her musings, "how set are you on actually going to school today?" Clare laughed, and shook her head.

"I'd love to skip with you, Eli." He grinned, and turned the wheel, heading down a narrow road. They drove for a while, sitting in peaceful silence.

Eli parked on the edge of cliff overlooking the town. You could see everything: the shops, the neighborhoods, and even Degrassi.

"Wow," Clare was amazed that something as ordinary as this could look so extraordinary. Eli was always surprising her. She felt an urge to reach over and wrap her arms around him. To breathe in his amazing scent. To run her fingers through his dark hair.

But it wasn't like that with them. At least, not yet. Not for him. She settled on smiling slightly at him, "Thanks, Eli."

He did not ask her what she was thanking for. He did not say anything. Eli reached over and slowly took her hand, intertwining their fingers. He smiled down at their hands; they were deeply connected by this small gesture. Clare turned her head out the window so he would not see her grinning like an idiot. But the reflection in the window said it all. He grinned back at her, staring straight at her eyes in the reflection. He nodded slightly, as if she had asked him a question. Clare did not know what he thought she was asking, but that nod answered any questions she might have had. And maybe that's what that nod was.

Reassurance.

Yes, yes he did feel the same way.


	16. Writer's Block

**So, I was thinking about when Clare and Eli started as English partners, back when things were A OK! Reviews=Updates.  
Lots of Reviews=Happier Writer:) Haha**

"Have I ever said I loved English?" Clare asked Eli, flopping down on the bench next to him.

He thought for a second, then shook his head, "Nope, not that I can remember."

"Good!" Clare pouted. She was _so _frustrated. They were working on short stories in English, and she had decided to write a romance. She had worked through it, decided settings, character names, conflicts. Everything. She was so close to being finished! The two lovers, Elliot and Sarah, had met, been through rough times, had a couple of near-death experiences, and _finally _ended up together for good.

But what next?

Clare's story did not feel finished. She felt like there were loose ends she needed to tie up. Or something big that she was missing.

"Having trouble with your story?" Eli asked. Clare nodded unhappily. "Well, I could always look it over. That _is _my job. I'm done with mine, anyway." He held out his hand, and Clare reluctantly handed him her rough draft. She watched him read, his eyes darting back and forth, lips lifting in a smirk at some points, eyebrows furrowing with concentration at others. After he flipped the last page, setting the story in his lap, he turned to Clare.

"So what's the problem?" Her eyes widened; how could he _not _see the issue. To her, it was just there in the open. Obvious. Her story was incomplete. A work in progress. Certainly not ready to be handed in tomorrow.

"It's not done! I don't know what should happen! In short story terms, yes, it could be finished, here and now. I could just turn it in, and it would be acceptable. But it doesn't _feel _right. It doesn't _feel _finished."

Eli considered this, and then skimmed over the story again. He tapped his fingers against the wooden seat of the bench, thinking hard. The little crease that appeared when he was mulling over a particularly difficult problem presented itself now, and Clare felt the need to snatch her story back. Yes, she wanted help, but it felt like he was dissecting her work. She could not help but be self-conscious about her stories; they were a personal part of her that she only begrudgingly sent out to be judged.

"I think," Eli spoke up suddenly, causing Clare to jump, "that at the end Sarah and Elliot are too impersonal. They've been through a lot together; why wouldn't they be inseparable? They need a deeper connection. You're not leaving them unfinished; you're leaving them as if they are strangers. Elliot almost lost Sarah; you need to convey his feelings about her through his _expressions." _He let his eyes shine brightly, looking at her with an expression of had to take several deep breaths, reminding herself that he was just demonstrating for her. "Sarah is worried about Elliot, because of the assassins after him; you need how she feels with her smallest gestures." He reached forward and swept her hair away from her eyes. "By the end of your story, Elliot and Sarah should practically share a mind. _Soul mates_, if you will." He shrugged nonchalantly at the end, as if this was all in a day's work for an English partner.

Clare nodded once; he was right, they _were _too impersonal. They _love _each other. She nodded again, "Thanks, Eli. You're right."

He smirked, and laid his arm on the back of the bench, "When am I not?"

She rolled her eyes and got up, taking her story from him and sliding it in her bag. "I'll see you tomorrow," She smiled, "Bye, Eli."

She had gotten halfway down the street before Eli called out, "Bye, Sarah!"


	17. Radical Idea

**Hello, there. This is sortaa songfic; I got the initial idea from _California - Metro Station.  
_Reviews=Updates**

"Why don't we just leave?"

Clare turned and stared at Eli, open-mouthed. "What do you mean?"

"Let's just leave. Start driving and not stop."

They were lying on the grass at the park down the street from Eli's house, and it was Clare's favorite kind of day. The sun was shining brightly, but there was a cool breeze flowing past, countering the sun's heat. The leaves were a vivid green, and Clare's silver flats seemed iridescent in the light. Eli was wearing black, of course, but his necklace was glittering in the sun. The light lit up his face, and it made him look almost unreal. He was practically glowing.

"Clare, we could just get away from everything. Just for a few days." When Clare continued to look apprehensive, he sat up and looked at her eagerly. "Come on, Clare. We could go anywhere! Wouldn't you like a few days of pure freedom? No parents, no school. You can pick where we go. Isn't there anyplace you've always wanted to go?"

Clare sighed and sat up as well. This idea was pretty radical, and she knew her parents would say no. But Eli was so persuasive. His enthusiasm was catching, and Clare could not help but let herself actually consider this road trip. She looked down and tugged at a loose thread on her jeans.

"I've always wanted to go to New York. Ever since I was a kid. My parents never thought it was worth the time, though." Eli looked excited by the fact that Clare was taking him seriously.

"Okay! We'll drive to New York, Clare. You and me. We'll do anything you want!" He spread his arms wide, as if painting the picture for her. "Can't you just see it? Come on, Clare, please?" She turned and looked him right in the eyes. His green, green eyes were pleading with her; he wanted this so much. "I'll drive, and you can . . . you can just sleep!" She could tell he was getting slightly desperate now, running out of ideas to convince her.

"What would people say?" Clare asked, and then almost instantly regretted it. What did she care what people thought? They probably already talked behind her back about Eli. Saint Clare and the new guy, what is up with _that? _

She had already proved to Eli that she did not care much about what people thought. If screaming in public wasn't enough, she did not know what was.

"Clare," Eli said, wrapping his arms loosely around his knees and leaning towards her, "it doesn't matter. At all. If you don't want to go, fine. But please don't let it be because you were afraid about what petty people from school would say about us. We both know that whatever they say probably isn't true, so why does it matter? Rumors are just scathing lies." He stared at her intently, and Clare suddenly realized she was supposed to make up her mind.

She felt her heart rate pick up, and her breath quicken slightly. As she was staring at Eli, she realized something.

She really wanted to go on this trip. She wanted to do something spontaneous and exciting for once in her life. But most of all, she wanted to do this with _Eli. _She would go anywhere with Eli if he asked her to. She would do anything for him, because she was in love with him.

This sudden realization frightened her a little, but she just went with it.

She looked up at Eli, and nodded slightly. "Okay. Yeah, let's go to New York."

"Yes!" Eli threw up his arms, and then let them fall onto Clare's shoulders. "You," He said seriously, "are amazing." She smiled shyly at him and looked up at the sky. She ran her fingers through the grass, imagining how much fun this trip would be.

"Clare," Eli whispered, tugging her chin so that she was looking into his eyes, "You don't . . . you're not obligated to do this, you know."

Clare stared at him, confused, "Of course I'm not. I want to go." Eli's expression did not change. "Eli, I _want _to go with you."

Eli laughed, "I guess this sounds a little weird, since I was so set on getting you to say yes. It's not that I changed my mind. It's just, _why? _Why would you drop everything to come on some crazy spur-of-the-moment road trip with me?"

Clare kissed Eli gently and took his hand in hers, lying back down on the grass, "The answer is simple, Eli: because I love you."


	18. Christmas Eve Traditions

**Yes, I know Christmas is over, but I just had to. Reviews=Updates**

Clare gazed out the frost coated window, watching as sleet slammed against the window, making faint click clacking noises. It was some odd million degrees below freezing, but it was toasty warm inside Clare's apartment. Even though the warmth was cozy, Clare could not let herself be completely comforted. It was Christmas Eve, and Eli was yet to return home from his business trip.

He ran a popular music store, and he had been called away last minute to inspect some instruments. Clare was a little surprised he had been called away so close to Christmas. It was a whole three hours plane flight away, but Clare had stayed silent.

She wanted him back as soon as possible, but Eli loved his job so much, and she could not ask him not to go. He promised he would be back before Christmas. In fact, he was due back that night.

Clare and Eli had shared an apartment for several years now; Clare moved in as soon as she graduated high school. They were both in college now; Eli a junior and Clare a sophomore. Just like old times.

Living with Eli was like signing your name to Terms and Agreements. Just a little risky, and you were not about to read the fine print, but so worth it in the end.

Clare leaned her cheek against the windowpane, as if by moving closer to the outside she would be able to see Eli as soon as he walked up to the door, but she knew she was kidding herself. Though she could see the sleet clearly, that was as far as it went. It was pitch black outside; almost eleven. This would be her and Eli's first Christmas Eve apart since they moved in together.

Clare sighed, knowing it was useless just sitting here waiting. She got up, tugging the green blanket she had wrapped around herself closer. She shuffled into their small kitchen, and set some water to boil for hot chocolate. Eli always made it better than she did, but her version would have to do for tonight.

She tried to keep herself occupied for as long as possible, finding endless last minute things to do for Christmas Day. At eleven forty-five, Clare gave up on waiting. She made her way upstairs to bed, thinking that as long as she could spend tomorrow with him everything would be fine.

Even so, she could not help but be upset that Eli would not be there to wish her 'Merry Christmas' as they watched the clock strike midnight.

She shut her eyes tight, telling herself it was ridiculous to feel like crying. She was being a baby. It was just a stupid tradition. She curled up on her side, taking deep, even breaths. She flipped over on her other side to look at the clock.

11:59.

She buried her face in her pillow, mentally counting down.

Then, she heard loud stomps on the stairs outside the door. The door slammed open, and there stood a breathless Eli, covered head to toe in sleet. "MerryChristmasClare!" He rushed out.

12:00.

"Just in time," She smiled, "Merry Christmas, Eli."

**Hahah, just as I finished writing this an Iphone 4 commercial came on that showed clocks changing from 11:59 to 12:00. I just had to share that:)**


	19. Never Had the Courage

**This is a songfic for _Never Had the Courage - Chase Coy. _sydcat161 requested it, Happy (early?) Birthday, I hope you like it!  
Reviews=Updates**

_Eli's POV_

I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, ducking my head down as I walked to Morty. It's Clare's favorite kind of day. Sunny, yet cool. I know because she would have this amazing smile that you could not help but smile back to.

She used to smile at me like that sometimes. This huge smile that lit up her whole face. Usually after I smiled, or did something she was not expecting. It made me feel so damn special.

But I will never see that smile again. At least not aimed at me. Because everything is screwed up this time. We got into a fight. I remember it so clearly, and I wish I could go back in time and stop it before it happened. It was about something stupid, but ever since I told Clare I needed time, things have been shaky.

I think she thought that maybe I did not actually like her, and I just didn't know how to tell her. She had been looking for problems with our friendship; looking for ways to get out before I had a chance to tell her how I really felt.

I wish I had the courage to. I should have just told her when I had the chance. Maybe then she would answer my calls.

I have been calling her constantly since the fight. I started out calling repeatedly. Then, I settled into a schedule. I would call her a few times before school, and then during lunch, after school, and before I went to sleep.

Now, I just call her randomly, hoping that she will accidentally pick up the phone. I just want to hear her voice. Hear that she is fine. I even stopped leaving voicemails. How many times can you say you are sorry?

I can't help but hope that maybe she is missing me as badly as I am missing her. A sick part of me hopes that I am driving her crazy.

I need her to be sorry, too. I need her to miss me. I need her to want me.

She just won't let herself! She is so scared that I am going to leave her. That I will just up and walk away, leaving her broken and scarred. She does not understand that I cannot do that! It is practically impossible. I love her so much.

And she might never understand that because I never had the courage to just tell her.

I let my head fall on Morty's wheel. A list of sneaky ways to try and get Clare to talk to me ran through my head, but I ignored them. Her trust was in question here, and being sneaky was not the way to earn it completely and totally.

Then, it hit me. I did not have Clare. Clare did not want to speak to me. Because I was a wimp. Because I was scared to like her. Because once I got over being scared to like her, I was too scared to tell her.

I groaned, and slumped down in the driver's seat. I just wanted to disappear from the world. Escape from my mind. But every time I tried, there she was. In my brain. Her smile. Her eyes. They were burned into my eyes, so no matter where I was looking, he only saw her.

_Tap, tap. _I jumped, smacking my head on Morty's roof, "SHIT!" I turned my head wildly, searching for the source of the tapping.

It was Clare.

She was bent down in front of my window, her hand poised to knock again, her mouth open in surprise. I stared at her for a second, convinced that I was imaging things. When she did not disappear, I yanked on the handle to roll down the window, and Clare started to stutter. "I-I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

I shook my head, waving my hand in the air. "No! I mean, no. I'm . . . fine." Too bad fine was as far away from what I was actually feeling as possible. I felt more like someone had stabbed a hot iron into my chest and ordered me to stay calm. "Why are you here?" I asked, trying to make my voice gentle and not accusing.

She shifted her weight nervously, and cleared her throat. "I want to apologize. It was my fault." I stayed quiet. I wanted to hear what she had to say. "I was scared. I thought if I could find something wrong, then I could find an excuse to just give up. But, I know that was stupid now."

She sighed and ran one hand through her hair, holding it away from her eyes; a sign I had come to know meant that she was frustrated. "I . . . I figured something out while we weren't talking." I stared straight ahead, frozen in place. "I love you," She sighed, "And the longer we weren't talking to each other, the more I realized how true that is."

I melted, my head cleared, and I jumped out of the car, pulling Clare into a tight hug. "God, why didn't you ever tell me?"

She laughed, and I ignored the hint of tears in her voice, like I knew she would want me to, "I never had the courage."


	20. Preferences

**So, this randomly popped into my head today, and I thought it made some sense, so here we go.  
Reviews=Updates**

Clare was a colored pencil type of girl. She loved to color. To shade something in on a crisp sheet of white paper, watching as the color was smoothly applied. She had to get the balance of color just right, and she would _never _color outside the lines. She knew that people said staying inside the lines limited your creativity, but she just thought it made the picture beautiful. Complete.

She shivered at people who used markers. The thick lines across the paper, bleeding through to the other side. Though Clare yearned for stability and permanence in her own life, she hated it on paper. The written word is meant to be altered; pictures should changeable.

That was the one thing she loved most about colored pencils. If you messed up, they were still pencils. Erasable.

Eli used permanent markers; Sharpies a personal favorite. He liked the smooth way they moved over the paper, making bold, everlasting lines. He colored his nails, his jeans, his shoes. He took every opportunity he had to get a marker in his hand and draw. The darker the marker the better; black was his personal favorite. His lines were sharp and jagged, ripping through the unblemished space.

He scoffed at people who preferred color pencils. What was the purpose? Art was meant to be daring, noticeable. Colored pencils drawings would fade in time; wither away into non-being.

He wanted to have something permanent; something no one could take away.

If he was ever losing it, he could just trace the black Sharpie lines on his Vans, and he knew that he had control. He was his own person.

Clare stared incredulously as Eli sketched spindly, black Sharpie lines across his shoe, intertwining the lines into one big tangled mass.

She had been carefully drawing out some cover art for her latest story, attempting to conceal it from wandering eyes.

"Aren't you afraid you're going to . . . mess up, or something?" Clare asked, not being able to hold back her curiosity any longer.

Eli looked up, confused, "Mess up what? I'm just drawing lines." He glanced over at her desk, and shook his head in mock disappointment. "Colored pencils, Clare? Honestly?"

Clare reacted defensively, moving her paper off to the side, "Colored pencils are nice. They do what they are supposed to do."

Eli shrugged, not willing to argue with her. He loathed colored pencils, but somehow when Clare used them, it was perfectly fine.

Clare tried to turn away, but she continued watching, fascinated, as Eli drew an intricate maze of lines. Though she despised markers entirely, Eli wasn't Eli without a Sharpie in his hand at some point in time, drawing away. At any other time, with any other person, Clare would have spun around in disgust. But this was Eli, and that automatically made it okay.


	21. Where No One Can Cry

**So, this is a bit random, too, but hopefully still okay. I have THREE projects this weekend ( :| ), not to mention my birthday coming up:). Aaaaand, as forever and always,  
Reviews and Updates (maybe another one this weekend?)**

"Eli, I know you really like to surprise people and all, but don't you think this is a little extreme?" Clare asked as a strip of black cotton was tied tightly around her eyes.

Eli's voice was calm as he replied, "No, of course not. Extreme would be breaking into your house in the middle of night and locking you in Morty's trunk. This is not extreme; this is merely taking precautions. If you were to guess where we're going, the whole point of this would be ruined."

Clare sighed, "Whatever you say, Eli." She settled back into the worn leather of the hearse's seats. The uncertainty of everything unsettled her a little; she had no idea how long they would drive, or where she would end up.

Eli must have sensed Clare's worry, because he reached over and squeezed her hand for a second, and then let go. She heard the motor start up, and then felt the car back out of her driveway. After that, it was all a guessing game. And Clare figured that was what Eli loved best about all this: the possibilities. He wanted her to see that anything could happen in the time between when she put the blindfold on and when she took it off. She could be driving down the road to a park. She could be driving to another province. Heck, she could be disappearing into one of Eli and Adam's comic books for all she knew.

Sometime after leaving her driveway, Clare drifted off to sleep to the sound of Eli humming along to his muted screamo music. She woke up later to a gentle breeze playing with her hair and the unmistakable scent of salt water.

The beach. Eli had brought her to the beach, her favorite place in the world.

Whenever Clare was at the beach, she felt as if someone had hit the pause button on life. Everyone dropped everything for a few hours and just had fun. Worries seemed to melt away, and arguments were lost in the crashing of the waves.

She remembered the first time she went to the beach, years ago, her mother had told her that there was no crying at the beach because there was already enough salt water there to make up for everybody's tears. That's why the beach is such a happy place; the ocean had sucked up all the tears, so just for a little while it was impossible to cry.

Now that she was older, she felt like this was a little ridiculous, but she still wanted to believe in it deeply. She told Eli this story once, and he didn't laugh like she was expecting. He listened. And that meant the world to her.

She stepped out of the car, and her toes sunk down in the sand while she inhaled the crisp, ocean air. Eli walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder, "I thought that maybe you needed some cheering up today, and there's no crying at the beach, so what better place to go to?"

His tone was not teasing or mocking; it was earnest. Clare turned around to face him, "You remembered," she stated, a little shocked.

"And you're surprised," Eli smiled happily, "When you told me about the beach, it sounded like something you really cared about. And you take things you care about seriously, so how could I forget?"

Clare turned back around, settling into his arms, "One of these days, _I'm _going to surprise _you. _And you will be amazed."

Eli laughed gently, "I'm sure you will, Clare, I'm sure you will."


	22. Six Months Isn't So Optimistic

**So, yes, this is kind of connected to the last one-shot. Procrastinating on my projects is helpful to quick updates:)  
Reviews=Updates**

"Adam, guess what!" Clare ran into English, jogging over to where Adam was leaning back in his chair. He glanced over at her.

"I don't know, but I'm sure you'll tell me." Adam shrugged, looking at Clare with only slight interest.

"So, you know what today is?" Clare asked Adam eagerly. Adam stared at her confused, and looked up at the board.

"Friday?" He asked drowsily, rubbing his eyes. When he saw Clare's expression he exhaled, frustrated, "Sorry, Clare, but I got the new issue of The Goon last night. I don't know how you can expect me to remember anything on three hours of sleep."

Clare shrugged, "It's okay Adam, it's not your anniversary or anything."

Adam's eyes widened just a little, "Ohh, right. Six months. Whoo!" He tried to sound enthusiastic but failed miserably, letting his head fall back down on his arms. Clare laughed, figuring that Adam needed to sleep more than he needed to hear about what she had planned for Eli.

A black clad figure slid down into the desk in front of her, looking only slightly more awake than Adam. "New issue of The Goon?" Clare questioned. Eli's head snapped up and glanced between her and Adam, then smirked. He nodded.

"Though it looks like I got more sleep than Captain Comic Book over there," He said, jerking his thumb towards Adam. "So Clare, what do you want to do tonight?" He asked, resting his elbow on her desk.

"Tonight?" She asked innocently. When Eli raised an eyebrow Clare laughed, "Tonight is a surprise Eli, just you wait."

:):

"A blindfold? This has got to be something serious." Eli joked. His expression changed as he heard the click of a car door opening. "Clare, are you going to _drive _us somewhere?"

"Eli," Clare said, exasperated, "I have my license now. It's legal!" She gently pushed him into the passenger seat of her mom's car, and he pulled the seatbelt over himself, tugging it tight. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, but still . . . "He trailed off, his hand snaking up towards the handrail above the window.

"One time, Eli. I only crashed once, and it was barely a dent." Eli mumbled something along the lines of 'Yeah, right', but Clare ignored him, starting up the car. She focused on the road, carefully avoiding Eli's nervous glances. A little while later, she turned onto a bumpy dirt road and pulled over by a shady picnic area in a field of bright summer flowers. On the far side of the field there was a small group of dead trees that had obviously been there for years. "Okay," She said quietly, "We're here." She sat there for a second, and then got out and walked around the car, leading Eli out into the middle of the field. She untied the blindfold and carefully watched Eli's expression. His eyes widening were the only indication that he had registered where they were.

Clare felt her nerves peak, and she started babbling, "I remember one time you told me that your parents used to take you here for your birthdays. You told me that you loved it in the summer, how the flowers contrasted with the trees," she motioned towards the dead trees, "how something so dead and so alive could be together in one beautiful place. I thought . . . I thought maybe you'd like to come here together?" She could not help the last sentence coming out as a question, anxious from Eli's lack of response.

She moved a little closer to him, "Eli?" He turned around, and there was this shocked expression on his face, and he was smiling.

"Usually I'm the one who surprises you." He stated bluntly.

"Well, I told you that one of these days it would be my turn." She smiled wrapping her arms around him. Eli reached into his pocket and took out a thin, velvet box. He snapped it open and revealed a thin gold bracelet dotted with sapphires and emeralds.

"I know it's not a dragon tattoo," He joked, "but maybe you'll wear it anyway?" Clare sucked in her breath quietly, and reached out to trail her finger along the gemstones.

"Of _course, _I'll wear it, Eli. Every day." She picked up the bracelet and put it on, twisting her wrist and watching how the sun sparkled off the stones.

"See, Clare," Eli teased, "A six month anniversary is _not _too optimistic."


	23. Adam, Jewelry, and A Question

**So, I was thinking about possible one-shots to do, and this just came to my mind. Now that all the birthday madness has died down, I decided to just write this. Also, if you guys have a sudden dire need(maybe that's a little exaggerated. . . ) for me to write a particular one-shot, just message me or review with your idea or something.  
Reviews=Updates**

"How about that one?"

"Too shiny."

"That one?"

"Too big."

"Why did you make me come with you again?"

"Because Adam," Eli sighed, "I thought you would be helpful." Adam exhaled deeply and looked around the jewelry store moodily.

"Obviously, you were wrong. How about I just stand here and offer moral support?" He leaned causally against a glass counter, grinning at a couple of girls walking by. Eli rolled his eyes and went back to browsing. He needed to find something. Not just anything.

A ring.

"I thought this would be so much easier. I though I could just walk in here. I've been dating Clare for a few years; you would think I would know what she'd like." Eli ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. He just wanted something special. Something that Clare would love.

"Dude," Adam said, standing up straight and looking Eli in the eye, "nothing is perfect. You and Clare won't always be perfect. You'll fight; you'll get mad. But you love her, right?" Adam did not wait for an answer, treating it as a rhetorical question. "There is no perfect ring. There is _a_ ring. _A_ ring that you will buy. _A _ring that Clare will like, and wear until you give her the other one."

Eli groaned, "Please, don't talk about me having to do this again. I haven't even bought this one, yet." Adam laughed. He patted Eli on the shoulder, and left to walk around the store. He was always antsy whenever Eli dragged him along to do something.

Eli's gaze ran along the case full of rings once again. He _could _pick one of them. Maybe the gold ring with the large, blue stone. Or the silver one with the shiny diamond. He could buy one of them, but they were too much. Too flashy. He knew that if Clare saw them in a store, her eyes would just slide over them, dismissing them. He wanted something that would make her stop and stare.

"Hey, Eli," Adam called from the opposite side of the store, "what about one of these?" Eli walked over to where Adam was standing by a glass case full of slightly more modest rings. He scanned them, looking back and forth; hoping that one of the rings would call out to him. He was just about to give up, when he saw it.

It had a thin, gold band, studded with little diamonds. The band twisted around a small, round gem labeled as "Traditional Blue Sapphire". It was not pretentious, and Eli could just picture sliding it onto Clare's finger.

"This is the one. Well, Adam, looks like you _did _come in handy," Eli teased. Adam rolled his eyes dramatically, but he smiled as Eli motioned to the lady behind the counter to take the ring out.

"Well, I _am _good at everything, so looks like you just pointed out the obvious." He joked. They walked out of the store, Eli with the ring tucked safely in his pocket.

:):

Eli fingered the black, velvet box, feeling his nerves pick up. He had been dating Clare for four and a half years, and he knew they were still young, but he didn't care. This was what he wanted, more than anything in the world. They were "dating". He did not want to date Clare anymore. He wanted more than that.

He walked to the park, where he told Clare he would meet her after work that day. The sun was just setting, half hidden by the trees bordering the park. Eli spotted Clare sitting on a bench under a tree. He paused, just watching her for a second, building up his courage.

As he moved towards her, she turned around and smiled, "Hey, Eli." She motioned for him to sit next to her. Instead, he stood in front of her.

"Clare, I love you. I really, truly do. And I promise you that I will always love you. Forever." He dropped down on one knee, bringing out the velvet box and popping it open, "Clare, will you marry me?"


	24. KC Says What Now?

**So, Mala 2 suggested the initial idea for this one; thank you to Mala2. I think it's weird how K.C. and Eli have absolutely no interaction on the show. Wouldn't you expect a _glare _or something? What do you guys think?  
Reviews=Updates**

K.C. watched as the boy in black opened the locker three down from his. As the door swung open, K.C. caught a glimpse of a picture of him and a curly red-head making funny faces at the camera.

So this was Eli.

K.C. had heard from Owen, who was on the football team with him, about Fitz and this goth kid getting into fights; apparently his name was Eli. Then, K.C. overheard Jenna and Alli talking about how Clare and Eli were dating. "Hey," he spoke up, and Eli glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes?" He looked confused, and K.C. wondered if Clare had even mentioned him at all.

"I'm K.C. You're dating Clare Edwards, right?" Eli paused, as if he knew that there was more to this question than there seemed.

"Yes. I am. And why are you asking?" His voice was firm, and he shut his locker sharply.

"We used to date a while ago. I don't know if she's said anything to you." K.C. half-hoped Clare had not said anything, because he knew what he did sounded bad.

"Oh," Eli's eyes narrowed, "_K.C. _You broke up with Clare for one of her best friends." His expression was practically murderous. "I think that you better just stay away from Clare. She's moved on from you, okay? It's better if you just go back to your blonde cheerleader. Don't you dare upset Clare; I love her, and I hate to see her cry."

With that, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked down the hallway.

K.C. clenched his teeth; he did not like Eli. Not one bit. The way Eli looked at him; it was like he was radiating smugness. As if he was saying, "I have Clare and you don't." Eli was not good for Clare; K.C. was sure of that. Eli was probably just in it for that pretty little ring resting on Clare's finger. He needed to make Clare see that.

:):

Clare was concerned. At lunch, Eli had told her K.C. had been asking about them. Clare told Eli about her and K.C. a few weeks ago; it hadn't been something that she felt she needed to talk about, but Eli brought it up one day by asking her if she had had any previous boyfriends. After that, it all kind of spilled out. They both knew that anytime now K.C. would be approaching Clare.

And that annoyed Clare. Now that he had screwed everything up even worse, he decided to take an interest in her again?

Clare felt a light tap on her shoulder and she spun around. Speak of the devil. There he stood; the way he was looking at her made her feel as if she was an object and it annoyed her beyond belief.

"Clare, I need to talk to you about your _boyfriend._" He spat out the last word, twisting it so it became something else entirely.

"What about Eli?" Her voice came out slightly sharper than she had meant it to, but she didn't bother to soften her glare.

K.C. stared at Clare intently, "Clare, I just don't think he is the best guy for you. I know I really messed things up, but I think that I could be a better boyfriend than him without even trying."

Clare stood there, speechless. Sure, K.C. screwed up, but she had been willing to put things behind them enough to just be acquaintances. Maybe even sort of friends. The type of person you smiled at sometimes in the hallways, said hello when required. Nothing more; being more than friends with K.C. was extremely out of the question. She was with Eli. She wanted to be with Eli. And on her bad days, she would wish that she never had to see K.C. again. She closed her eyes tight, wishing that K.C. had not said what he had. It made this situation impossibly more difficult; she had now been officially dragged into a confrontation with him. It was like he _wanted _her to get mad at him.

"Listen, K.C.," Clare said, placing her hands on her hips, "you obviously don't know anything about me. We've barely even spoken since we've broken up. I don't know why you think that you have the _right _to just walk up to me and tell me that you are better than Eli. Our relationship ended with you leaving me for Jenna. If you call that trying, I shudder to think what you not trying looks like." K.C. now looked uncomfortable, and Clare knew he had not thought this through.

"How's Jenna, K.C.? I hear the baby is due soon. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Do you know anything about the baby at all? Have you been around for Jenna? The baby isn't just Jenna's responsibility, it's yours, too. And even though Jenna stabbed me in the back, she doesn't deserve to be left like that." K.C. had gone from looking uncomfortable to looking like he wanted to melt into the ground. Clare felt a stab of twisted pleasure at watching him squirm.

"You disgust me, K.C. All my life, I was told that you need to learn to forgive. And I have been trying. I really have. Once I met Eli, I realized that everyone has one person in their life that they are meant to be with. Their soul mate, if you will. I thought, well maybe Jenna and you were soul mates. If you guys truly loved each other, maybe I could learn to forgive you for what you two had done. But then you left her. So what does that mean? Was she just another girl to add to some stupid list, K.C.?" Clare shook her head in disdain.

"I want to feel sorry for you, but I can't. And I _certainly _won't get back together with you. I have a boyfriend that I love, and that loves me. And you know that." Clare took one last look at K.C.; his eyes were a little red and his mouth was slightly ajar. She felt an odd mixture of pity and revulsion; she wished he would just walk away. But, as always, she had to put the work in, so she sighed, turning away, "Goodbye, K.C. I really hope you fix the mess you made." She walked away, telling herself that K.C. would figure it out eventually. By the time she hit the parking lot she was already scanning the crowd for Eli.


	25. Commercial Holiday Fun

**I know, I know. I haven't updated in a while. Sorry to those who follow these one-shots:/ And on top of that, this one-shot is a leetle late for Valentine's Day, but oh well. I say there should be a range, so Valentine's Day is now from the 13th-20th :P I've been kind of stressed out by school lately, and I would really appreciate some ideas for one-shots so that doesn't effect this too much.  
Reviews=Updates **

"Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday invented purely for young and stupid people to buy products that have absolutely no use to them what so ever." Eli frowned, scanning the crowds of people chattering in the school holiday. For some reason, people seemed to be even more hyped up than usual about Valentine's Day this year.

"And?" Clare asked, looking at the 'Buy a Valentine's Day Carnation for Your Loved One' posters adorning the walls everywhere.

"Did I mention Saint Valentine was a martyr? And that he doesn't have anything to do with romance?"

"Eli, let the people have their fun. No matter how many facts you can back that up with, you won't be able to dissuade everyone out of participating. Valentine's Day has been around for ages, and it will be around long after you stop thinking about it." Clare sighed and looked at the clock, realizing that she had about a minute until the bell rang," Well, I'll see you later, Eli." She waved over her shoulder and headed to history, just wishing that Valentine's Day was over already.

She didn't really buy into the whole Valentine's Day idea, and she usually tried to avoid cheesy things, but she couldn't help but wish that maybe Eli at least considered celebrating it with her, just because they could.

Eli watched as Clare walked away, duly noting that Clare seemed a bit upset. She wasn't the commercial holiday kind of person, but maybe he should have considered the fact that cheesiness once a year would be appreciated. He _was_ actually planning to take Clare out tonight, as a sort of anti-Valentine's Day thing, but perhaps that wasn't the best idea.

He didn't want to resort to the usual flower/chocolate combo that haunted Valentine's Day like an unlucky penny. He wanted something that would surprise and please Clare. Something that would make her realize that even if he didn't love Valentine's Day, he loved her.

:):

"So, Clare," Eli said, trying to come off nonchalant, "What are you doing after school, today?" Clare looked at him blankly.

"I don't really have anything planned," she said, somewhat bitterly. Eli wanted to laugh at her tone, but figured that this would be a _really _bad time to do that.

"Well, then it's settled. Let's go!" He grabbed her elbow and tugged her along behind him as he head out the door.

"Woah, wait, go where?" Clare asked in confusion, slowing down a bit so Eli had to struggle to keep her moving forward. He looked back at her and smirked, motioning that his lips were sealed. Clare sighed in frustration, but Eli was pretty sure that he saw some excitement in her eyes as well.

:):

Eli led Clare over to a shady area, close to a construction site. "I know, it's not exactly picturesque, but it is all part of our little adventure." Clare stayed quiet, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Eli walked up to a tree and pulled a picnic basket out from behind it. He felt like a magician when he saw the utter surprise on Clare's face.

"Eli-what-when did that get there?" She asked in bewilderment.

"I know people," he said, grinning. When Clare continued to stare at him, he joked, "Don't ruin the magic, Clare." They ate lunch in comfortable silence, and Eli felt his nerves pick up when he thought about what he was about to do. He stood up and held out his hand to Clare, waiting for her to stand up and follow him. They strolled over to the edge of the construction site where they had been laying down a new sidewalk.

Eli grabbed a stick lying by the sidewalk and etched "Eli & Clare forever" into the wet cement. He titled his head and observed his work. He glanced sidelong at Clare, hoping she respected the attempt at classic cheesiness here, and that she didn't think he was being to optimistic. Clare smiled down at the sidewalk, then took the stick from him and drew a little heart off to the side.

"There," she said, "forever remembered in sidewalk art." Eli slung his arm over her shoulder and she looked up and kissed his cheek.

"So, how was my first attempt at Valentine's Day?" He asked it casually, not sure if he actually wanted to hear a serious answer or not. Clare glanced at him slyly and smiled.

"Not bad, not bad. Maybe next year, we can have that anti-Valentine's Day dinner you were planning." Eli gaped at her. How did she know about that? "Oh, Eli, you should have learned by now. I'm all knowing." She laughed and squealed as Eli chased after her, leaving their sidewalk art far behind.


	26. It's my job to protect you

**I know, guys, I was doing so well at quick updates! Writer's block is a killer. This update is a lot shorter than I wanted it to be, but something is better than months of nothing, right? I think so.  
I absolutely love reviews of all types so click away and review! And you all may be like *ohmygodwillshestopwiththis* but, Reviews=Updates. Even if they're just about like . . . what's going on on Degrassi. Or like. . .your turtle. (maybe not your turtle) **

"As your boyfriend, it's my job to protect you." Eli ran his fingers gently through Clare's curly hair. "Clare, I would never want to see you in pain. It's selfish really, me protecting you. It's looking after my own feelings; I'm happy when you're happy."

Clare gave Eli a soft smile and touched his shoulder lightly, "Eli, I appreciate that. It means so much that you care about me. But I _can _take of myself, too. You don't have to watch over me every single minute." Eli nodded.

"I know. I really do. I just . . . I can't let something happen." To someone who didn't know Eli, this statement may have been considered a little over dramatic. Or even a bit confusing. But Clare knew Eli.

She knew he was thinking about Julia. How he blamed himself for the longest time, and how even though they had been cleaning his room and talking through it, he still blamed himself. He thought he could have prevented it. And that killed him.

So, Clare let it go. If any other boy had acted slightly possessive or over protective, Clare would have backed away. Distanced herself. But this was Eli. Eli didn't mean to come off that way; he just truly wanted her to be safe. He loved her.

And she loved him.

So as they sat in his car together, facing each other, hand in hand, Clare smiled that smile that she saved for occasions just like this. Days when she had to be understanding; days when that look passed over Eli's face. That look that made her heart break a little because she couldn't stand to see him in pain either.

"Nothing will happen to me. Or you either. We're stuck with each other remember? I wouldn't let anything happen to you either." The side of Eli's mouth twitched up in a half-hearted smile, and they slipped into silence, watching as the rain streaked down Morty's windshield.


	27. Irreparable

**This is more depressing than most of my one-shots, but things aren't always happy, you know? So, all I'm going to ask for is FIVE reviews for the next update, which I promise will be a happy update full of sunshine and mushy love (not literally. . .but you get the picture).  
And on a random side note, you should check out _Montreal Love Song _by We are the Take.**

"_Eli, forget this. I'm going home." Adam shoved open Eli's bedroom door, storming out into the hallway, knocking over several piles of junk that lined the doorway in the process. _

"_Adam, wait!" Eli grabbed his shoulder and jerked him back quite easily. "I-"_

"_You what?" Adam snapped, "What, Eli? Sorry if I can't be like you. Sorry if I can't be like every other guy. I'm _different_. Everyone knows it. You think it." There was a pause where Adam waited for Eli to say something, but he was speechless. He never really cared that Adam was transgender, but looking at blazing expression on Adam's face, Eli guessed Adam thought he did. He ripped his arm out of Eli's grip and backed away. "Yeah, I thought so. You think you know best, Eli. Why don't you try putting yourself out on a limb like I do? Everyone talks behind my back. I get stares wherever I go. And I guess one weirdo is enough for this friendship, right? That means I'm out." Adam's expression twisted into a bitter, painful mockery of a smile. It was dark and warped and so completely not Adam. He walked out, shaking, leaving Eli far behind him. Eli got the feeling that even before Adam walked out, they were in different universes._

That was the last time he saw Adam. He was gone. Gone, gone, gone. Heart no longer beating, brain no longer functioning, mouth no longer spewing out any sarcastic comments. He'd never say anything every again.

It was like ever since he got that call, the world was speaking a foreign language. The nurse mouthed some words, but he didn't understand. He couldn't understand. He never would. He turned to Clare and saw her hands over her mouth, body racked with sobs. She dropped to the ground and just cried, while he watched.

This couldn't be real. This wasn't happening. He backed away. It was like a strobe light had appeared and everything was pulsating. Flashing before his eyes. Adam's mom, crushed into her husband's arms. Drew, standing next to them, his face crumpled into an almost unrecognizable shape. Clare on the floor, alone. Fiona, tears streaming down her face. Other people he didn't know and didn't want to know. A man with Adam's freckles. A woman with his exact shade of hair. It was all too much.

He fled the room, slamming open the hospital doors. He just needed to get away. Far away from the sterile hospital waiting room. The bland walls. It was like any other waiting room. Except in this one, people cried. The unbearable knowledge of a death that should never have happened passed from nurses to inconsolable loved ones. This happened once before in Eli's short lifetime. It shouldn't have happened again.

Suddenly, the scene was far too familiar. If he closed his eyes, he could still see the flashing sirens. The bloodcurdling screams that sent the message a way no nurse ever could. The pain was excruciating; more than he thought he could ever bear.

And he knew the pain would come this time, too. It would hit him like a brick wall. Maybe even destroy him. But right now, all he felt was numbness. A numbness that enveloped him, making the world fuzzy, distorting it. He could barely breathe. And that's when it hit him.

Adam was gone. His best friend was gone. Just like that.

All his fault. If only he'd been able to open his mouth and tell Adam that _no, _he honestly didn't give a _crap _that he was transgender. He was his best friend and he was what he was. Just the fact that Adam trusted him and Clare to know his biggest secret meant a lot. He wanted to tell him that. But he couldn't.

He wanted to pretend that Adam had gone to a place where no one had to wait for the new issue of the Chinatown Saga to come out; where no one cared what you were. In truth, Adam was never going to read another comic again. That one stupid thought, the fact that Adam could never pick up a comic book again, flip through its glossy pages, and snort over the ridiculous plot line, ripped away everything that had been keeping him together all this time.

Silent tears slid down his face, and he clutched his stomach, sliding to the floor. His heart, just barely whole again after Julia, split open again. It must have been made of glass, because it felt as if spiky shards had settled in his stomach and chest. How could this have happened? How could he have lost another person to death's cold, unforgiving hands?

He was shaking so hard that when the sound of footsteps approached, his could not clearly see who it was. Then, Clare's familiar arms were around him. She was rubbing his back and he leaned his head into her shoulder and just cried. She was talking to him, but her voice kept breaking, and her voice was trembling too much to make out the words anyway. He held on to her like she was the only thing keeping him there. That gaping hole in his chest seemed to make it harder for him to take in air; he gasped, but it was never enough.

The number of hours he spent in his lifetime in pain from the loss of a loved one were countless. Julia's death was a permanent impression in his mind; an image branded there until he would die. Just like she did. And now, just like Adam. He didn't know one person could experience so many different kinds of heartache, of pain. He felt it building up, and he knew sooner or later he would explode from the pain, because no one person could go through this and survive. The staggering pain of someone ripping out a part of you and leaving you there to bleed out until at the last minute they come back and stitch you together. You're alive, but just barely.

He and Clare sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, for what felt like years; crying for a friend that would never come back.


	28. Like Puzzle Pieces

**I won't even pretend that I think this is my best work, but I'd been meaning to finish this for a while now and just never managed to. Hopefully, you guys like it better than I do. I apologize for my slowness, again, but for some reason the idea well is running dry.**

**If anyone is interested in sending me ideas for some one-shots I think it'd be pretty safe to say that I would be forever grateful. :P**

**Review 'cuz you know you want to. That button is just sitting down there, _taunting _you, _begging _you. It can even talk "Click me, click me! Write kind words!" Okay, that was probably over the top, but you get the idea. I'm done here.  
**

Clare walked down the hallway silently, intensely aware of Eli's presence next to her. Usually, whenever they walked together in the halls, they spoke animatedly about whatever subject was on their minds at the time. They had their opinions and weren't afraid to make them known.

But today was different. It was like the air had suddenly stilled and the world had become a lot louder than usual. At the same time, everything was quiet. Clare and Eli were on their own island of silence amidst the ocean of sound that was the Degrassi hallway. She wanted to bring up their English assignment, or even make a desperate attempt to talk comic books with him, but the look on his face made her think twice.

He looked as if he was thinking hard about something, eyebrows furrowed, the corners of his lips turned down in a slight frown. He was walking slower than he normally did, but sometimes he would pick up his pace a bit. A few times Clare could have sworn she saw him shake his head.

The lack of conversation was creating a tense bubble around them, and it was driving Clare crazy. This was not the typical comfortable silence they shared. This silence was like a rubber band being stretched further and further until it would eventually break, snapping back and causing pain.

Eli cleared his throat suddenly, dissolving the uncomfortable silence quickly. He turned slightly towards Clare, but continued walking. The angle he held his shoulders made him look a little awkward, but the tilt of his head was endearing, "Can . . . Clare, do you mind if . . . ? " He sighed in frustration and Clare stared at him, bewildered. He gently reached out to hold her hand, his hesitation just noticeable; his eyes softened as he continued to look at her, anxiety disappearing. Clare's heart fluttered with excitement as she glanced down at their entwined hands. The feeling of Eli's hand in hers was unfamiliar and completely exhilarating. It wasn't an idea or a hint or a faint sign that he liked her. Everything she had always just dreamed for had suddenly become a reality. And best of all?

They fit together perfectly.


	29. Let's Start Over

**Here's all I have to say: I'm really sorry for taking so long to update and I refuse to believe this is the end of Eclare. Degrassi is a crazy world, but somehow everything comes together, eventually. It may take a few months, or even longer, and they need to take care of their personal problems first, but sooner or later, things will start to get better.  
I never really say this, but _thank you_ to everyone that reviews,, it means a lot to me. I hope you keep reading (and reviewing).**

Eli stared at Clare, confused, the issue of Gothic Tales held limply in one hand. He couldn't understand why she wasn't more excited. How was this school dance more important than the fact that they had both just been _published? _The story they had worked so hard on together was forgotten, seemingly unimportant now. He felt a twinge of hurt and disappointment, but he tried to shake it off. He made a crack about the dance and Clare bristled, stepping back and glaring at him.

"If you're not interested, don't come." She said evenly. She turned on her heel and walked up the steps to the school. He stood frozen there at the bottom of the steps until she was gone, and then slowly walked to Morty, not in the mood to face first period.

Did the dance mean that much to Clare? Or was it something else? He constantly had the sinking feeling that their relationship was crumbling around his feet and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He tried spending as much time as possible with her, cramming in every possible second together. That didn't seem to be working. Clare thought he didn't see her expressions when he turned away from her, but he did. Out of the corner of his eye he saw every grimace, every uncomfortable squirm. And it killed him. Slowly her need for distance was bringing forward a familiar desperation. The one that came up when _she _started to drift away. But Clare wasn't _her. _Things would be different this time. They had to be.

* * *

Clare sighed, shifting from one foot to the other, as she stood by the refreshment table. True, she had pretended like it she could go to the dance without Eli and be perfectly fine, but that was a lie. She lied to him, she lied to herself, she just flat out lied. She craved his hand in hers as they stood side by side. If only he was here just a little while. To talk to Clare, to laugh with her, to hold her.

Wow. The one time Eli wasn't keeping a dangerously close eye on her, she wanted him. Wasn't she the one pushing him away, desperate for some alone time? Well, now she had it. And what did she want? To be with him.

All it took was five minutes in this crowded room without Eli to realize the one thing she needed to know all along. She loved him in that irreversible way that made him hers for life. If he left her, he would take her heart with him. He had her heart locked up with him all the time and he didn't even know it. He thinks she hates him for pressing in on her, when really she was just confused. She needed to step away from herself for a second to see the full picture. And the further she stepped the more she saw that he would always be in the picture with her.

She heard someone move behind her and she coughed, bringing her hand up to her face so she could brush away any tears that may have appeared.

"Clare?" A black clad arm reached out to her, hesitated, and then dropped out of her line of vision.

She spun around in disbelief. "Eli?" He was standing there in a black blazer and pants and a navy collared shirt. He looked uncomfortable but his eyes were pleading.

"Clare, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been keeping you so close; I'm sorry that things haven't been the same. If you just give me another chance, I think we can make things work. We can start over."

Clare hesitated. Yes, she loved Eli more than anyone else in the world. Yes, she felt like she belonged with him for the rest of her life. But she couldn't just pretend like nothing happened. She couldn't make the feeling of suffocation she'd been feeling lately disappear. There had to be something she could do. "Eli, I know you've been through a lot. I'm not going to stand here and lie and say I completely understand, but I know that I want to understand. I want to be able to help you, Eli, but I don't think I can right now. Maybe if you go to see a therapist, I could . . . I could come sometimes, too. If you'd want me there. We can't start over, Eli. We've been through too much together. But we _can _try and rebuild what's been breaking down. I love you, so much, and I want this, _us, _more than anything in the world. Will you . . . will you try with me?" For a moment, they were in their own bubble of silence, everyone else faded into the background.

Eli stepped forward and took Clare's face in his hands. "I love you, too, Clare. I just . . . I just have . . . a lot of problems. I'm messed up."

Clare shook her head, ignoring the tears that were building in her eyes, "We're both messed, Eli. I think we always will be. But if we get help maybe handling it will just get easier."

Eli smiled sadly at her and nodded. With that small movement he finally gave in, letting himself be helped, acknowledging that maybe he couldn't carry the world on his shoulders all the time with just Clare by his side. He held his hand out to her, "Care to dance with your messed up . . . boyfriend?" He faltered at the end, not sure if she still wanted to put a label on them when their relationship was so unstable. Clare nodded; her expression was melancholy yet hopeful at the same time. As she rested her head on his shoulder, his even heart beats reassuring her, she knew that somehow they would make it through.


	30. All the King's Men

**It's been a long time since I updated; I'm sorry. It was just a lack of inspiration. Hopefully I can try to update a little more often when I have time. I appreciate every single review, favorite, and alert I've gotten and I want to thank all of you for reading.**_  
_

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,_

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall_

_All the king's horses and all the king's men_

_Couldn't put Humpty together again._

He was broken. That's all he knew for sure. That's all anybody seemed to ever want to talk to him about.

_Get help, Eli._

_Take your meds, Eli._

_Calm down, Eli._

He let his head hit the steering wheel of his mother's old, beaten up Toyota. If he ever needed a reminder of his mistakes, he could just look at the broken, useless form of Morty that lay in the garage. He could just look at his parents' faces as he walked in the door, worried that today would be the day. Today would be the day that he snapped.

He couldn't sit in that therapist's office day after day. She was getting paid to examine him. And what was Eli getting? Hell. It was torture to sit there day after day while she sat there with her noncommittal answers and scrutinizing eyes. If she asked him "and how do you feel about that?" one more time . . .

When Julia died, he started sinking into a deep, dark hole with no visible means of escape. She was his life, and then, suddenly, she was gone. He didn't get out of bed for days. Didn't leave the house for weeks. At one extremely dark point, he considered suicide. He had it all thought out. He would wait until his parents left for work, break into his dad's closet, and steal a rifle. All he thought about was how that would end it. How it would be over so fast. He'd be free.

But he never did it. He couldn't bring himself to do it.

Then, Clare happened. She was . . . refreshing. He was so used to everyone skirting around him, afraid to set him off, afraid of reminding him of Julia, afraid of the guy driving the hearse. But not Clare. It was as if she had thrown down a rope for him, pulling him out of that hole he had sunk into. She wasn't Julia, but she was . . . Clare. And that was more than enough.

Everything was perfect for a little while. She accepted him. She had never said it directly to him, but he was sure she loved him. Maybe not as much as he loved her, but he was sure she did.

Clare shook up his life and he loved it. His smirks turned into smiles to match hers. It should have bothered him, but it didn't. All that mattered was that she was there.

Until she wasn't.

Clare cut the rope that was his lifeline, still wearing that sweet smile of hers, and as far as he could tell, never looked back.

He should have hated her. He should have wished to never see her again. He blamed himself. He hated himself. And he was disgusted with himself, because even after Clare left him in the dark, all he wanted was her.

Eli was broken. And no matter how hard his parents, his therapist, or even Adam tried, he couldn't be put together again.


	31. Forever

__**A/N: Wow. I'm sorry that I went on a hiatus that lasted almost a year. This is a short oneshot to try and get me back into regularly updating, especially with the new season coming. Thanks for reading.  
**

_Eli's POV_

And that's when I knew. This was the forever kind of love. The deep, passionate forever kind of love that made me want to scream and cry and hold her close before she could slip away again. It was horrible and beautiful because I could see everything. I could see her leaving and I could see her staying. I could see her running into someone else's arms and I could see us waking up next to each other ten years from now with kids sleeping in the room next door. I wished I could rip my thoughts out of my mind and I wondered if this was the curse of being a writer. The infinite possibilities of us scared me shitless and I just wanted to retreat inside my own mind, frightening as that could be. I wanted to ask her if this is how love felt or if this is how love felt to me because of my tendency towards the extreme. But I didn't because I was worried that it would be the latter. In all my years of poetic musings, bouncing between writing a nonexistent love or an all-consuming love, I never pictured a love like this. One that was soft and seeping, always occupying the back of my mind but never taking over. One that was permanent, yet still fragile. One that meant so much to me, but still allowed me to see my priorities.

I understand now. I am different. Stronger. I see forever for what it is and I am ready for it. As I look at her, see her with freeness about her features that was never there before, I know. I take her hand in mine and I know.

It will be okay.


	32. Broken, Not Destroyed

__**So this is one of the darker one-shots I've written. I don't actually think what happens with Asher will go like this at all, but I wanted to get this out there. Hopefully I will come up with a lighter one-shot to write, or you guys could send me in any you would like to see me write. **

_Clare's POV_

I grip the edge of the counter tightly, watch my knuckles turn white, and desperately try to keep the contents of my stomach where they are supposed to be.

"_I thought you wanted to learn."_

No. No, I can't think about that. Anything but that. I wipe a clammy hand across my forehead and realize that I am shaking. Oh, God. Oh, no. What has happened to me? Is this God punishing me for everything that has happened the past year? I wasn't myself. Please, no. I never meant to hurt anyone; I was so damaged.

"_Shhh. It's okay. You work for me here."_

I feel the bile making its way up and barely make it to the bathroom before everything inside me empties out. I am shaking and crying, sobbing into a toilet in an empty house. I splash water on my face and look into the mirror, trying to find the girl I was before. Before my mom was remarried. Before my parents divorce. Before Darcy left us. I can't find her.

"_You want that promotion, Clare?"_

My throat is sore. My voice is hoarse from screaming. Why did I stay during lunch? Why didn't I go out with everyone else?

No. Not everyone else.

_He held me down with one hand, covering my mouth, while another traveled down under the bottom of my skirt, and then back up. I tried to scream. _

"_Clare, shh, isn't this what you've wanted? Isn't this why you've spent so many hours overtime in the office? Trying to please me?" I tried to fight him off, but I couldn't. No, _I thought frantically.

_The office door swung open, revealing a tall man wrapped in the shadows of the dark room. "Get the hell off of her, you bastard."_

The deliveryman had noticed the door was unlocked and would have left the package at the front desk had he not seen the cell phone ringing on the floor by one of the office doors. My cell phone. As he got closer, he heard me struggling.

I stare hard into the mirror, and I see it. I see the resemblance of who I am and who I used to be. It's there in my eyes, under the fear and sadness and disgust. It's Clare.

Hands still shaking, I pick up my phone and check the three missed calls.

Eli.

Eli.

Eli.

My hands still and some small part of me that isn't broken warms. How could I have ever thought that I was alone? I feel a strange mixture of dread, resolution, and hope as I hit "call back". I have to talk about this. This is real. This happened to me. My parents need to know. Glen needs to know. Alli needs to know.

But first, Eli.


	33. Broken, Not Destroyed Part 2

**I was really struggling with this one, and I want to say it's because this story line disturbs me so much, but I don't know. This is Clare's phone call to Eli.**___  
_

_Eli's POV_

No.

My hands are shaking as I try to keep the phone pressed against my ear. I can't let myself disappear into my mind. I need to be here for Clare. I take deep breaths and murmur into the phone, "Tell me."

And she does. She tells me how that sad excuse for a human being abused his position of power, what he tried to do to her. What he _did _do to her. I feel disgust rising up inside me as I remember how I admired Asher for his journalism. Now I understand why he never did seem very professional. I have to cover my mouth with my hand to press back the angry words that are trying to pour out. Now is not the time.

Clare does not need to be reminded of just how much of a bottom feeder he is. She knows that even more than I do.

"I can't stop reliving it, Eli," she whispers, the pain evident in her voice. How did I not notice it there before? "I keep going over and over it in my head. Was I . . . did I . . ." she takes a deep breath, "Did I throw myself at him? Did I make it seem like I wanted more than an internship, Eli? Tell me the truth."

"Oh, Clare," I breathe out, wishing I was there with her right now, wishing that I could protect her from what happened, "No. No, Clare, you didn't. You were excited for your internship and went at it with all you had, just like you do with everything. Asher is your boss and he should never _ever _have touched you. What he did is not your fault, okay, Clare? You didn't want that."

There is silence on the other end for a moment and then I hear sobs, "I was so scared, Eli! I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I just thought . . . I got the internship through Degrassi . . . I _trusted him._" The sobs increase in volume and I panic a little as I struggle to think of a way to comfort her over the phone.

I mentally curse the traffic that I am stuck in. "Clare, it'll be okay. I'm in traffic right now, but I will be over as soon as I can. If you want me to, I'll stay with you while you tell your mom and Glenn." The cars in front of me start to shift forward and I turn my signal on, quickly trying to map out the shortest route to Clare's house.

"I have to hang up now, Clare, but I'm coming. Don't worry. You have so many people that care about you and that will not let this asshole get away with what he did. I love you."

"I love you, too. See you soon."


End file.
